Hello lovely readers-
It’s been awhile since I’ve written-my apologies! Like I said in my last post, life just kind of happens swiftly here! Bear with me- as this is a long post. But I think it’s good, and I spent a lot of time trying to decide if I should take anything out-and so what stayed (I think) is important.
Some highlights from the last month includeee:
-having a chance to explore Siem Reap.
Siem Reap is a backpacker heavy, dusty, bustling city, and it is full of Cambodian culture and art. While I was there I got to watch how Cambodian silk is made (all handmade and natural- no electricity), explore Angkor Wat by waking up at 4 am to watch the sunrise over the massive temple (definitely look up Angkor Wat if you don’t know about it, it was breathtaking!), see the Cambodian traditional dance called Apsara (such talent! Here is a little clip if you want to see it: www.youtube.com/watch?v=HhgBDZa8-lk), it was a jam-packed weekend but totally worth it.
-having a staff BBQ! It was like one giant family working together to prepare the meal and it was a blast. And I was the odd one out but they always included me and EVEN let me pick out the bbq sauce for the expats (because they had a black pepper sauce-which is SO good, I can’t get enough of it). It was such an honor. That staff works incredibly hard (everyone here does), and it was so much fun to celebrate and grow in relationships with them while taking a break from the stress of the workday.
-participating in Prayer and Fasting Day-an entire day focused on praying for SP as a whole, then moving into SP Cambodia specifically and the projects here, the ministry here, and praying for all the staff individually. All 4 offices in Cambodia did this, and it was a wonderful reminder of why we are here and to root ourselves deeply in the Lord. My favorite part was walking through the buildings to pray for each project and department individually-the prayer requests were written on big sheets of paper and displayed on the walls. While it could have been easy to look at the requests and think “this is way beyond what we could ask or expect,” the bible also says in Hebrews 4:16,
“So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.”
So with confidence, we could lift up the requests to God and trust that he will give us the grace to complete the tasks that could seem impossible.
At the end of the day we took communion together and then broke our fast with the choice of EITHER intestine soup, or chicken blood soup. At first I thought they were kidding. But they weren’t.
-I had a cool chance to go to a UN Women’s research launch on domestic migrant workers in Thailand, Malaysia, and Cambodia where they discussed their research and findings. It was cool to attend and learn while meeting people from other organizations working in the labor migration and trafficking sector in Cambodia. These people love Cambodia and the Khmer people, and it was inspirational to learn and discuss with them about the labor state of Cambodia and what we can do to improve it and decrease exploitation. Because SP is already working to equip villagers to safely migrate-I’m looking forward to investigating how to include parts of the research findings and recommendations into our programming.
And that about catches you up with what has been going on in my life! Aside from working on my projects-which are continuing at a quick pace.
But I’ve actually had a harder time these last few weeks, and really wasn’t feeling better until this past week. It wasn’t that things were going badly, and I’m not sick, but my mind has been spinning and turning with a few things:
1. Tangibly thinking through what it is like to live overseas, and thinking through what this could potentially mean for my future, as I learn to balance being invested in my friends and family back home, but also try to form a life here.
2. I personally dealt with a lot of cultural barriers (due to language and misunderstandings) that were definitely expected at some point, but not as easily welcomed. I was laughed at, made fun of, and pointed at multiple times. I felt embarrassed, misunderstood, unheard, guilty, and even passive because some of it I could do nothing about. This isn’t to guilt anyone into feeling bad for me, its just the reality of living in a country where I actually know nothing and have to start from scratch. It requires being vulnerable, and learning to laugh at myself. It requires being willing to listen and learn even when the lady in front of you just mocked you to your face and shooed you away. Its learning to recognize that the Lord has been here long before I set foot here and these are his people whom he loves way more than I ever could-though I pray he shares it with me just a little bit (JK-a lot). And the suffering he endured to show them his love was worse than some lady mocking me. So I consider it a joy to go through some cultural refining if it means learning to love like Christ loves.
-And to cope with it, I wrote a funny journal entry titled “Living Cross-Culturally is…” and then listed all the ridiculous but simultaneously tough things that have been on my mind lately. And one day, I might make it into a whole book and publish it. Who knows. Then l jammed to some worship music, and wrote down what the Lord gently reminded me of, and I’m a lot better now.
3. My heart, soul, and mind were/are overwhelmed with the weight of the problems surrounding me as I go through experiences here and look at the news around the world. And if I were to be completely honest- my heart and soul often feel the weight of our big hurting world and the individual problems that people groups or countries individually face, and I have a hard time understanding how, just how, things could ever get better. And I wonder if the work that faithful people are doing actually helps. And I question why some people (AKA ME & YOU) can have so much while others have literally nothing. Last week I was burdened and heavy with these questions, and now reflecting back on it, I was aching for eternity to come. But the Lord’s prayer states, “Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven” And I am so grateful for this prayer when I feel so small and incapable of helping and my words fail to portray the weight of what I feel.
I read a similar situation like this in Habakkuk, he is questioning the current state of the world around him and is questioning why God hasn't come to help him yet and how God could ever do good there. And God answers him by saying,
“Look at the nations and watch—and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told”
And in the next chapter Habakkuk says that he will stand on the watchtower and look for the Lord’s solution.
And I thought this was beautiful! In this dark time, Habakkuk is choosing to anxiously look for the Lord working around him, and he knows it will come so he is faithfully waiting and watching for it.
He also states that God comes from everlasting-He is an eternal God. And in my own life, I want to see God do the amazing things I’m praying for now and in the present. But friends, God has an ETERNAL perspective, and the things he does are intentionally to reveal his glorious self. That means his people may not see the amazing things they are praying for, but maybe their grandkids will? And it will bring even more glory to God because years of God working were leading up to that moment. Hebrews talks about people of faith dying before they could see their prayers answered. And I pray that my faith is the same way. That I don’t give up on the things I so desperately ache to see happen, but it causes me to fervently pray and confidently stand on the watchtower awaiting the Lord’s solutions- because I serve a BIG God who is able to do far beyond what I can ever imagine or ask for.
And with that, I hope you are encouraged today in whatever you are facing. If you need prayer for something please leave a comment or message me, I would love to pray for you.
