Musings From My Time in Exile

On Monday, I fell feverish and felt my stomach cramp in all sorts of knots. Upon realizing I was burning up and feeling the painful twists in my stomach, I proceeded to pass out (I call it more of a “gray out” than a black out because I was still conscious and could hear/respond) in front of my boss. He had to walk me to another room so I could recover on a cot. It was humiliating/there was nothing I could do about it. I was passing out even if Franklin Graham was standing in front of me.

That being said, the office thinks I passed out because I was so sick. I however, know it was purely mental and this “gray out” has happened before. The places this has occurred include: a hospital (no I wasn’t a patient, I was simply visiting my dear mother after a knee surgery), and a movie theater-there I almost passed out in a bathroom stall and then thought, “If I somehow die here no one will find me for a while” which was totally irrational but nonetheless I managed to move to the bathroom entrance and lost it.

So when the office kept checking in with me to make sure I was okay and wasn’t out cold somewhere, I kept laughing to myself because I knew the fainting was due to a different cause. But I’ve been so blessed with how they have taken care of me.

So as hard as I tried to convince them I was fine, I was put on “4 days of rest.” Which means I’ve been home from work for four days. In a foreign country. With no means of driving anywhere.  Even though I only had a fever one day. Even with my sole purpose of being in Cambodia to work.

One day around noon, I walked to go buy some groceries (even though everything I put into my body left an hour later), and came back to find two staff in my apartment desperately trying to find me. It would appear that I forgot my phone (rookie mistake) and when they tried calling to check on me, I didn’t answer, and they assumed I passed out somewhere and came looking for me. It was quite an ordeal I’m told. And I understood their concern. But I was just hungry and needed some food. Now I knew for sure I couldn’t leave my apartment without being found out…

It has been a somewhat pleasant time, It’s allowed me to skype friends back home which was desperately needed. I was able to watch movies I had been meaning to see (anyone else see “Barry” on Netflix?” If you did, any thoughts?) I finished a book-Love in The Time of Cholera by the one and only Gabriel Garcia Marquez-and caught up on my journaling.

But I also did extreme things, like open all the cabinets in our apartment here to see “just exactly what’s here.” I found ant killing gel, a bunch of yoga business cards, a broken blender, and all sorts of bug spray/anti-diarrhea medicine. I also found a variety of tea bags, and proceeded to make/try all of them. Also, we have new neighbors (a husband and wife with another buddy) who just moved in and they keep playing this odd chill-jam-techno music. I picture them (I haven’t met them yet) just sitting inside bobbing their heads to this music. Occasionally I see boxes outside their door, my favorite was an “international sandwich maker.” I wonder what makes it international? I hope they’ll make me a sandwich with it one day, that would be awesome.

I also hear children playing outside ALL DAY. It sounds like an ongoing recess period, like this place exists solely to give kids recess time. The thing is, I can’t figure out where the sounds are coming from. I live on the third floor so it’s enough to look around and see other nearby buildings and the street level. But I can’t find the screaming kids. Maybe it’s all in my head.

And my manager did give me some work to do, but I had to switch things up you know?

Thanks for reading a pointless blog post about nothing really. Writing helps me process through stuff, and this one needed some humor. So thank you.